RCA - Ruined Reputation

 Todays conversation might be a reflection of it or not, it could be related or a outcome of this thought process or unrelated, but this has effected you. Trying to be positive and brushing away what was highlighted was wrong given that I do not know the full extent of the impact and what were the discussions.

Listening and showing empathy without being overly positive has been a bad trait. Something I am trying to change but is hard given my general eagerness to talk. It also could boil down to having conversations about pain without having the need to fix it immediately. 

Everyone go through a different level of pain when encountered with situations, nothing is right or wrong. Ability to understand that and not brush away as small is key. 

I have been a hypocrite about this at times. I expect my pain to be understood but when it comes to others, I have brushed it off. And at times, I have understood others pain better and shown empathy while being critical about someone else discarding it. 

So, I do understand pain and I can related to it and empathize. So what is the problem? 

I think it is being out of my normal self, defending my actions and trying to show that I cant do anything wrong. It kills any critical thinking about myself and try to find reasons to normalize things which is outright dismissive (not comes across as dismissive). 

Something i am trying to work on and failing daily. I also realized that I work differently based on the tone of the conversation. If it is confronting I get defensive and if it is explaining i understand and empathize. But this again is a problem as it depends on the other person and goes back to blaming others. And what is the point of bringing it up if it gets dismissed. 

There are traits of change can be seen but it is a long way away. Like the recent conflict, I took the blame and agreed what i did was wrong and tried to understand the other point of view even though it was confronting. 

Actions:

1. Try to take it personal and listening as a genuine friend is important. It is not about me but about the person who is sharing

2. Accept responsibility or possibility of being the cause of the problem, even if it is not logical as there is a impact and put my point to challenge thought process without dismissing

3. Learn to agree to disagree with empathy

4. Stop reacting and not make it worse. I know I am doing it as it feels very hypocritic and expected more from them given how they are personally. But this is reactive and makes it personal and not serve the purpose. I am torn between the two. 

It is hard to hope for thigs change given how it has been in the past. I do not expect this to be discussed in detail, the line is very clear and I will respect it. 

I wanted to show I care and I am here to fix things and remind, nothing else matters!