This is another thing that I could not get my head around, it just did not make logical sense to me.
First of all, let me break it into 2 separate things - protecting one person and not protecting the other.
Then, what does each of them mean?
Protecting one could mean that no matter what happens, I will protect them, hide their issues, take side, accept it without issues and mainly not confront. And yes, looking back I have done this in situations and my defense was that the reasons were different. Like not confronting when a basic promise of not talking to known ones was broken, My reasons were solid - it was almost a year ago and is not a issue anymore, the other person ensured nothing has changed/everything is ok, y disturb the current status and most importantly not to disturb the upcoming visit and make it bad. I just did not want anything to happen in the visit I was looking forward to. Thinking about it, I did not want to confront coz I feared the repercussions. This fear comes from the unknow reactions/escalation and disturbance it can caused to others. There is nothing to protect, if it was the case, I would have defended the person and not even agree any mistakes done.
Anyways, I felt reasons and intentions are important and could change the way things are seen but for someone who is hurt, reasons do not matter, it just feels like taking license to hut more. And being ignored and seeing repeated 'patterns' where protecting is seen. If i replace this 'protection' to 'fear', it will cover my reasons and my defense goes out of the way as the end result is the same.
Actions here is simple, face the fear as that is the only way to deal with things. In the process, make sure it does not impact others (like the visit or involved ppl) which was the root cause of fear. And this is possible, it was done later and the fear was overcome. The change is to think about facing the fear upfront than doing it as a last resort.
Not protecting the other is just not true. There are so many instances where that was done and was one of the main reasons for conflict. How could he be so protective of someone else and screw up our life!!!
But that is not the point here, the point is how it feels when the same things are repeated and there is no protection. Even things that were promised have been breached causing this mistrust.
Things are changing where the line is drawn very clearly and what has to be kept out. There are concrete evidence to prove this but it is no where close to the ones against it. It will change as there is a very strong reason to change, not just to show that I am capable of it but also to stand up to things that matter to me, the non-negotiables.
It might be too little too late and there is always a fear that old ways will happen and not worth the risk. Hopefully the change is seen and builds confidence that it is hear to stay and gives the strength to give it a chance, small steps at a time.
The question could be, y? why risk it when patterns have been different and trust is broken. It is required coz it makes life much more beautiful, gives peace to someone you care (and some better sleep :D) and rebuilds faith in the universe. And yes, nothing else matters!
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