RCA - Do not Matter!

 I do not know how to deal with this 'do not matter' comment. I cant even comprehend the thought given how important it is, how much i value the opinion (break my head all the time to change it) and how much I think about it.

And that is the main issue, I just forget the root cause and focus on this one statement 'do not matter' and forget why it was said in the first place. I have no idea what was the context, why it was felt, what should change, etc. I hear the words and I go on a spiral. No wonder it is so hard to convey the message, it is useless, hence 'do not matter'!

It is easy to blame on the words and ask not to use it. But given the situation and how it feels, emotions will flow, harsh words will be said! Yes, we definitely need to clear the air and settle the misunderstanding and help stop the spiraling, but that is for another topic.

So what about 'Do not matter'??? it is just not true, it is so away from truth that even the next galaxy feels nearer :) There are very few times I have wished it was true and be able to brush it away and sleep properly but I have shrugged that thought as it felt so fake and wrong. It matters the most!

Now that is our of the way, how do i make it feel like it matters? Like said before, understand what is causing it, get to the root, blah blah, etc.

But more importantly is to hold the reaction and listen no matter how hurtful it feels. Address the points raised, highlight logical flaws only after everything is heard, even give it a few days before responding, let it sink in, think all possible reasons, understand other perspectives, etc.

And the most important things is to avoid going back to old ways when things dont go according to expectations. This is the worst thing and I am the biggest culprit. Small sustainable growth is way better than these crazy to and fros. 

Isnt this what engaging is all about? Isnt this what healing looks like? Isnt this what friendship is all about?

So, what are the actions?

1. Make change sustainable. Be conscious of the normal pitfalls, avoid them, be vocal about it by declaring to the world and show progress and do not go back to the old shitty ways

2. Show what matters by actions and not words. How, need to figure out.

3. Listen, no matter how harsh it sounds, listen. There is no better contributions to friendship than listening.

This might be the biggest joke, me listening and understanding and not reacting, it is hard to even imagine be giving up the old ways as there is no evidence for it and it might be hard to give it a try given the hurt it has caused.

All I can say is that change is inevitable and it is worth it and I realise it. I will do everything to repair and heal, coz it does matter and nothing else matters!