Most times the world conspires to make you feel good and motivated by giving you hints, those small beautiful things in nature that give you hope. And then there are times it kicks you in the gut and makes you cry.
After a tiring, non-engaging awards day, I was just knackered with no sleep and a lack of energy. The only saving grace was conversations with some of the other teams about our ways of working and culture. By end of the day, I felt drained, so much so that I slept thru the 1.5hr flight and came home at 2 am and crashed. As usual it was less than 4 hrs of sleep and just got up to reach the office and meet the 200 odd colleagues visiting us today and tomorrow.
The radio was not great and I had no energy for some heavy-hitting audiobook, so ended up shuffling my favorite playlist. The first song Paheli - Panchayat was ok, my liking of the series and the song situation helped. Then was Manjha which is again a beautiful positive song on mending relationships :) But what followed then was soul-crushing.
Ikk Kudi - probably the most emotional song for me, it takes me back to Alia Bhat in the movie and her pain and helplessness and I can feel that in me. It is one song I just sing along and feel that pain inside and today was even more intense.
Sajni - Lapataa Ladies - is my new favorite, very dear to my heart, makes me miss my soul. This got me to teary eyes
Khali khali sa hai - panchayat - was the killer. The song is from a scene of a father's struggle after losing his son in battle but it makes me feel all the emptiness in life. The lost souls, the lost trust, the feeling of loneliness, no one to give you a hug and say 'it will be ok', everything about nothing. But as usual, I cant cry, the songs puts it so well 'Bhar aata hai gala lehin boond aakhon see na gire, jale jiyara raat jaise khali sa hai'.
That is the best sad part, there is no escape by crying and feeling lighter, it is all welled up inside and the turmoil carries on wave after wave, until it erodes everything and gives me mukti.
PS: This reminds me of the perfect non-crying moment :)
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