You Win

 and I lost everything, including my soul!

You keep your thoughts and move on....

Ill keep my hope and wait!

Zihuatanejo!

I want to find my Zihuatanejo. A place where I can find peace and a way to live life while waiting for my friend to come to me. I want to be content, happy in solitude, continue to send good energy and work on myself to be worthy of love and care :)

It might take few days or few decades. I just want to wait patiently with 'arms wide open' and manage my sabotaging thoughts. I know it will happen, I visualize this happening daily, I manifest for it, hopefully soon :) 

Now that I have a goals and a strong reason to stick to it, I feel I will be able to. For the non-believers/doubters (including me at times), who would have thought i could restrain myself from chocolates, sweets, desserts, etc. I have surprised myself in the last 3-4 weeks with how committed I am to this process and I am confident of sticking to this resolution. The sweetness that follows with the return will be so good, that sweets/chocolates is nothing. 

I think I have found a formula to keep going by tying it to something really important to me. Hopefully it is my move from 'I will see what happens' to 'I will take care of what happens', i;e nodona to nodkolona :)

And worst case it never happens (i genuinely think I have not lost permanently), I would have not built bitterness, made peace with the wait (hopefully done things to feel the wait is fun) and sent good vibes forever!

Congratulations!

I am a different kinda movie buff, i remember many movies and some of them have been really inspirational. But I do not have to watch them, I don't miss them or I do not follow a particular person. It is the complete movie that I am a fan of, not one actor or one director.

Out of the many movies I love, one of the top ones is "Dil Chahata Hai" which released 25 yrs ago and is still relevant to this date. The story is so fresh, the characters so cool and the dialogues were epic. I have watched it so many times, I can probably tell every dialogue from the movie, such was the impact. I remember we had a database in Oracle with over 10000 movies loaded and we guys used to watch it late evening after our training. My parents thought I was learning hard, but I was watching movies and having fun.

Sorry for the digressing from the topic. In DCH, I loved all characters and the story was so well narrated. There are many scenes that I am a fan of:

Mein cake khaane ke liye kahin be jaa sakta hoon

Haan mein, magar who, suno tho

'yeh ret dhek rahi go, esse jitna pakadogi utna hi phisal jaata hai', one of my fav scenes

Christine and the 'tumhe kya kagtha hai, mein roz es takiye pe baitha hoon'

'Mujhe achchi filmein bilkul pasand nahin'

'yeh tho haat dhoke peeche padi hai' 

The opera theatre and the 'Moti opera singer'

The 'jahaas' scene on the fort wall

The final wedding proposal 

'Perfection ko improve karna mushkil hota hai'

But you can see, most of the scenes are on Aakash aka Aamir Khan. I related to that character a lot, he was fun, ignorant, careless, and egoistic and when he fell in love, he fell bad :) 

But the most favorite scene has no dialogue, no words, just gestures. 

When Aakash stops at a traffic signal and looks to his left, he sees his old self with his friends, sitting on the collage steps and having a laugh. His old self looks back at Aakash and just shakes his head in disagreement. It was such a strong scene, it reminded Aakash of how he lost his friend due to his ego and anger. His old self felt bad for him like he was disappointed.

This is the scene I was talking about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2euwXxFiMRs

That scene has always reminded me to give up my ego and just apologize and get back, the friendship is way more important than ego. No matter how bad the situation is, I have not let my ego come in between. I have gone to instances where I have degraded myself but still reached out, I have always been the first to talk or try to sort things out.

But I have let my ego come in and argued/defended and not given in. And this ego has hurt everyone bad, real bad. And when it was highlighted, I have not tried to look at it from a others perspective and continued my old ways. It has gone to a stage where there is no conversation and I am being left out.

It is time I give up on this ego and go on a journey and find the issues within me and sort them. 

With this as the agenda, I have started something that I never thought I would do in my life. The congratulation is for me. Hopefully, I can change and be worthy of time, energy and care.

Congratulations, I have officially been "Shrink'ed"!!!