Identity!!!

 I was reading atomic habits yesterday and the thought process of Identity and how it influences habits and other things in you life struck me hard.

Just as a background, who ever knows me would have definitely heard about me talking shit about myself. It is like self-deprecation at the highest level. TBH, I am quite confident about myself and do not care much about it and it is funny. When i put myself down, it is easy to tease people and pull their leg without making them feel bad 😂 So much so, I must have told a million times on how bad a son I am (my parents still take care of me), how useless I am as a friend, how hopeless I am as a husband, and so on. What I did not realize was that talking about this is making me believe in it at times and making me that person. It impacts my self-image and my efforts to improve them as I have already set the expectations very low.

Many of my close ones kept telling me not to do that but I wouldn't listen. Like whenever someone mentions raja beta or pampered brat, I put my hand up. when there is a discussion about being useless, I add myself up there, when someone talks about careless/emotionless, im the epitome of it. Now I realize why they were behind me to stop it. You end up relating to it more and become that at times.

So here is what I want to be identified as:

1. A very good son, TBH I am one. I have done everything to make my parents proud and have been for them every time they need me. So much so that everyone was surprised with the dedication I had when dad was hospitalized for 2 months, I did not miss a single day of counseling and spent almost every awake hour with him. Needless to say, they have done more for me but this is not a competition.

2. A caring, trustworthy friend. Trus me I am, even though i come across as careless, always teasing, I have always been there for my friends (extended family included). I have done things like visiting friends' house to get it cleaned so when they return from onsite, they will find the place habitable, visited their parents to check on them, sat hours next to them during tough times even though I could not console them, thought of them when not around, the list is endless. It hurts me when I cant help them out and end up thinking about it endlessly.  All this has manifested in probably having the best of friends. I can close my eyes and choose anyone from my friends and trust them with my son, everyone is awesome. 

3. A responsible father, I have been at times harsh to the kid but I have been very close to him. We do talk about stupid things and he is my life savior, my biggest hope. 

4. I'm a decent husband, I do not do a lot of things at home but I do help with a few things like our kid or just being around. I care and be patient (most times) and always apologize first, with no egos.

5. I'm a good leader and a mentor, I take pride in my team and I will do everything to get them the credit they deserve. I am harsh with compliments as I cannot do false praise but to the ones who deserve it, they get it. I am sure people who have worked with me have enjoyed it and look up to me. There is a long way to go but definitely on the right path.

6. I am emotional, I do not show it but I care for people way more than what is seen outside. I am funny and try to lighten up even the worst of situations as I care for people and not just make fun.

7. A good human being. I am humble, kind, and care for things around me. I genuinely believe in all faiths and do not judge people based on their race/caste/gender/creed/etc. I do not assume things and go with what people want to portray and always give the benefit of the doubt. I am an environmentalist and do my small bits to improve. 

I had built a lot of self-doubt in the last few months but thanks to the loved ones around, it has now reduced and I feel I am back. Almost all of the above looks like self-praise but for me, it is writing down what I think and truly identify myself as. If someone does not agree with the above, I do not mind talking about and working on it. But yes, this is me, this is what I am I believe, and will continue to work on 👌