my mind

human mind goes through so many sudden changes....
after a awesome weekend and plannging for the next weekend to one of the most beautiful countries in the world, i sudddenly hit a real low....i donno y...just started to miss blore...my mom dad, family and frnds...just frm no where i wanna go back...and for no reason....is it coz i love them more thn myself or tht i miss being wit thm or coz im wit a small grp here or its just a phase....ppl say ill get used to it...but i dont wanna...i wanna miss thm, i wanna think abt thm...i dont wanna grow out and get used to it....the day i get used to it, ill no more feel the same for thm....my reason to be happy or sad...my reason to feel will be lost...i just hope i miss thm as much as i do today...i seriously do :)

life!!!

Its been a long time since I wrote something. Never found anything interesting to write and life became so very busy that I couldn’t think of writing. Then I landed up in UK where i thought ill have enough time for myself which again proved to be wrong. The only thing i realised is that no matter where you are, its you who needs to take time out.

All these years I always thot that Indian culture is the greatest and has no flaws. We live as a family, together and always as one. But I never realised that there is one huge aspect that we as a culture have never followed. Even if we have, it is very less and limited. That is being INDEPENDENT or making our own decision. We back in India have always been dependent on someone, let it be parents when we r in our childhood or so called student life, later on friends, then ur life partner who is normally a wife (pun intended :P) and then on our children who we think have to take care of us till we die. Never have we thought wot being independent is and wot it means to make or own decision. To give a small example, we never take risk to look into new roles when it comes to working. im a biggest example of that is me, a person who hated all computer science subjects ended up in a so called software engineer for the sole reason of getting good money. We never have thot of working on our own, experiment things. We are never open enough to taking risks which is actually a part of every living creature on this earth to survive. We are never open enough to tell wot we want, forget telling about wot we want, we never tell people around us how much they mean to us and how much we love them.

We always feel so dependent; especially whn old age has arrived. I have always wanted to die before 60, when i think im healthy enough, when im not dependent on anyone. My entire perspective has changed whn I came here. Recently i met a woman, before u think anything abt her lemme tell u she must be around 65-70 Years. She works as a cleaner in our office in Manchester. She cleans bins, washes bins, mops the pantry and a few other not so respectable work we think back in India. I have never seen someone who enjoys her work so much, believe me se does. She is always in smiles and laughing around. She is a live wire who is always involved in work every evening. In a country like UK where old aged ppl are having lots of helping hands, charity orgs i dont think she has to work. She seems to have a decent enough life and has a quite decent living and felt this work is of choice. Even if she dosnt and has to live on her own, the way she enjoys every bit of her so called routine cleaning work is really amazing. When ever i see her, i always think y cant i be like her, loving my so called white collared job which pays big time. I also see so many old aged ppl starting new careers to live their dreams. The only thing we back there do is go on a pilgrimage (there are a few exceptions but most of them do that) .

Now i feel there is no time in our life which we cannot enjoy and when you think life is no more worth living. It’s always about how independent you want to be. I always think its your choice to take wot you want, to be independent, to live live the way you want. I do know that in this part of the world you have no choice than being independent as there is on one to look after you. But somewhere down the lane we also face the same situation, dont we? Its how bold we are to face the truth and how we take it is wot matters. Its not the world you need to face, its just you, your inner self.

One day when i feel im fed up of life and when i think that there is nothing else to look forward for, i just hope the cleaning lady’s life flashes my mind for me to get up and face life, the way i want it to be with no fears.